The blog has been highly depressing since Christmas, for obvious reasons. I now have the decision to make; do I keep on blogging through the dark times and try and be light hearted and witty, should I empty my head and my heart of the aches and pains that I’ve suffered or should I lock all that away and keep it locked. After all, are people here to read my thoughts on all aspects of my life or my professional expertise (which I’m yet to figure what it is)
Personally, I find it hard to hide feelings. I come across as grumpy and overly sarcastic the majority of times anyway, some people I hit it off with, they understand that. Other people find it very off putting .But what I despise doing is being fake. It was hard to come in to work last week, even for that one day, because I knew everyone would be lovely and kind and say ‘sorry to hear about your news/mum’. I still have no idea how to respond to that. I didn’t and still don’t feel ok, I’ve barely had chance to think about it since it happened, yet I felt a pressure to put on a smile and ‘act’ ok with it.
Truth be told I want to hibernate for at least a month and try my best to think of the good times that I had with my mum. Yet, this fast paced life we have doesn’t allow for that. This morning I had an hour to myself. It was bliss. And I’m looking forward to tomorrow. I have a hospital appointment at 9.30, and I hope I’m not there all day and after that I want to just come home and be me.
I should apologise, I started this entry with the intention of being more positive and talking about the exciting things happening in life, instead I have droned on again. So, for that I say sorry.
The major event happening is work related. The Aussie Barbie (http://focusbirmingham.org.uk/events/australia_day_bbq) is getting ever closer and whilst everything is booked and ready, I desperately need to sell tickets. This kind of event is not my forte, yet it has been me driving it. I hoped it would capture the imagination of locals, but under 2 weeks out and I haven’t heard a peep out of anyone which is a little disappointing. Friends and family will support it, but that’s not enough.
I hope later in the week to write a more inspiring blog about why I set up the event, and that will be the re-start of this blog.
Monday, 18 January 2010
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment