I started this blog entry yestrday...I feel quite bad about the topic and don't know whether to finish it or start a new entry.
You see yesterday we had some news. Our friends son was diagnosed with a tumour. The biopsy results were in and it was startlingly bad news, although we don't know the full story yet. The tumour is a 'rare and unusual cancer' and it seems it is attached to the back of his eye. In order to remove the tumour and eradicate the cancer they will need to remove the whole eye.
How do you tell a 10 year old this? Losing his eye is one thing, who knows what the tumour will do, if it will regrow.
I'm numb. I can't cope with anybody else I know getting can err. How does this damn disease start.
The initial blog post was to query faith and belief...I guess more than ever I need faith. Faith in a God that must heal this boy. Do I have the faith that God will do this? I know He can, I just don't know if he will, or what we can do to help this situation other than the pratialities of helping them.
Well, the blog post from yesterday is below. I don't have the energy to finish it and I don't have the engy to format it. Right now I'm going to give my eldest a big cuddle. He turns 5 tomorrow. To think 5 years ago I was relatively untouched by cancer...
I know a boy, he's 10 I think. He's the eldest son of a very good friend. I say a very good friend, without them our life in Australia would be almost impossible.
A month ago he was diagnosed with a tumour behind his eye. Scans weren't conclusive as to whether it was cancerous or not. Last Monday he had a biopsy of the tumour and round about now they are getting the results.
I got to thinking today. A rarity lately, I know. My friend had asked us to pray for when they were getting the results, and I started thinking about what I should be praying for. I,m no prayer warrior, something I'm a bit ashamed about, but I do pray...when it suits of course.
So what was I meant to pray for? Surely the results of the biopsy were there no matter what. Would me praying change that? I do believe in miracles, but maybe I limit God. It made me think about faith and belief. If someone was to ask me if I believe in God I would say yes without much hesitation. But if you ask me if I have faith in God, then my reply might be a little slower.
I've never thought there was a difference between faith and belief. But then I never really dissected it.
So back to my original question. Do I pray for healing? I guess that's a given...there's something wrong there and it needs healing. But practically how does that occur. I guess, it's fairly easy to imagine things and that in this cloud of a world things can be healed and made right. But my problem is that, he has a tumour, they've taken the biopsy. That's not going to disappear is it...so what will happen. Will some lab tech somewhere look at it under a microscope and see what?
Of course, if you know me and have read the blog then you'll know that my family has quite a history with cancer and illness. I've prayed so much over it but have I had faiththat God will come through. Have I had belief that God will do the miraculous? You see in that context faith and belief are similar. Is it a sign of my weakness that if I pray for healing, which I have for many family members, it doesn't happen?
Friday 3 June 2011
Monday 22 November 2010
Time for an update
I make it 7 months since the last post. Were this blog to be read by anyone, that's probably enough time to have lost everyone's interest.
Things have certainly changed since I last updated, I'm in a different place...no, literally I am in a different place, my home away from home I like to call it. After all my wishful thinking I achieved my aims for my 30th birthday and that was to be back in Australia. And whilst celebrations were low key, they were just the way I wanted them, sure if my extended family could have joined me that would have been wonderful, but that's still a work in progress.
So, we're here. Back in our house that we'd bought back in 2005 and been renting out. What now? It's an odd sensation. When we left to go back to the UK, it was just the three of us and N was only 1, so the house felt plenty big enough. Now, with N turning 4 and M 2 the house is starting to feel very cramped, although we have had visitors, so our bedroom was turned in to the guest bedroom and we now occupy a bedroom at the back of the house. Perhaps we have too much stuff. What is worrying is that we have a storage unit filled to bursting in the UK that needs to come over, where everything will go I have no idea. Although the quicker it gets here the better, whilst my bikes are securely stored at my dads, they won't be coming over until the whole container gets sent and I miss my bikes :-(
I am very grateful though as our friends leant me their bike, which was actually very useful in the first few months. I went back to doing courier work, which bought some money in but not a lot and as I was only a casual I had to return the hire van back each friday meaning a lovely hour long ride home each weekend. Shouldn't complain though, since giving it up I've hardly touched the bike.
Two months ago, Dad arrived for a holiday here, was great to have him here. It's been a horrible year for him and I hope he was able to relax here and enjoy it. We all wish he could have stayed longer, but his knees are terrible at the moment. We were hoping for his first knee replacement to take place in November, however it now looks like it'll be January. So he'll need the other one doing middle of next year and hopefully he can be back out for Christmas 2011. Of course, trying to convince my sister and her husband to live over here is proving quite difficult. I can understand people don't like change, but from what I hear and read about life in the UK, I'd be heading here or at least out of the UK as soon as possible.
I gave up the courier role, although they had offered me a permanent job rather than as a sub-contractor. But since turning 30, I've been feeling quite pathetic that 9 years after obtaining a pretty average Business and Management degree I haven't established a career. I certainly want to, and I want to be able to support our family more. So I'm being more picky about the jobs I apply for, after 5 odd years working for charities I realise that it's not my game and that i want a more professional environment.
An opportunity could be coming though in running a franchise, it's something I've considered in the past, but the opportunities haven't been there. It would be a big risk, but I figure any job has risks and stresses, at least this would be in an industry I'm interested in and therefore, even if the profits are small, as long as it covers my lowly wages at the moment, then we'll be right. But there is lots of research to be doing before then.
Well, I will leave you with that pretty vague update. Now that I am a stay at home Dad, I shall endeavour to update more and try and include a few more visuals, as reams and reams of writing is never appealing is it.
Take it easy.
P.S. I went bowling with my good friends Leigh 'Destroyer' Diprose and Andrew 'Apples' Appleby. Apples is the king of ten pin bowling, but I did storm to victory in our 'warm-up' game. I think the 186 was possibly my highest score ever, and that after just knocking 2 pins down in the first frame. Unfortunately, I couldn't keep the pace up and finished 3rd in the next game with Destroyer taking home the plaudits. A reflective milkshake from Fast Eddy's was consumed as is our normal practice after such events.
Things have certainly changed since I last updated, I'm in a different place...no, literally I am in a different place, my home away from home I like to call it. After all my wishful thinking I achieved my aims for my 30th birthday and that was to be back in Australia. And whilst celebrations were low key, they were just the way I wanted them, sure if my extended family could have joined me that would have been wonderful, but that's still a work in progress.
So, we're here. Back in our house that we'd bought back in 2005 and been renting out. What now? It's an odd sensation. When we left to go back to the UK, it was just the three of us and N was only 1, so the house felt plenty big enough. Now, with N turning 4 and M 2 the house is starting to feel very cramped, although we have had visitors, so our bedroom was turned in to the guest bedroom and we now occupy a bedroom at the back of the house. Perhaps we have too much stuff. What is worrying is that we have a storage unit filled to bursting in the UK that needs to come over, where everything will go I have no idea. Although the quicker it gets here the better, whilst my bikes are securely stored at my dads, they won't be coming over until the whole container gets sent and I miss my bikes :-(
I am very grateful though as our friends leant me their bike, which was actually very useful in the first few months. I went back to doing courier work, which bought some money in but not a lot and as I was only a casual I had to return the hire van back each friday meaning a lovely hour long ride home each weekend. Shouldn't complain though, since giving it up I've hardly touched the bike.
Two months ago, Dad arrived for a holiday here, was great to have him here. It's been a horrible year for him and I hope he was able to relax here and enjoy it. We all wish he could have stayed longer, but his knees are terrible at the moment. We were hoping for his first knee replacement to take place in November, however it now looks like it'll be January. So he'll need the other one doing middle of next year and hopefully he can be back out for Christmas 2011. Of course, trying to convince my sister and her husband to live over here is proving quite difficult. I can understand people don't like change, but from what I hear and read about life in the UK, I'd be heading here or at least out of the UK as soon as possible.
I gave up the courier role, although they had offered me a permanent job rather than as a sub-contractor. But since turning 30, I've been feeling quite pathetic that 9 years after obtaining a pretty average Business and Management degree I haven't established a career. I certainly want to, and I want to be able to support our family more. So I'm being more picky about the jobs I apply for, after 5 odd years working for charities I realise that it's not my game and that i want a more professional environment.
An opportunity could be coming though in running a franchise, it's something I've considered in the past, but the opportunities haven't been there. It would be a big risk, but I figure any job has risks and stresses, at least this would be in an industry I'm interested in and therefore, even if the profits are small, as long as it covers my lowly wages at the moment, then we'll be right. But there is lots of research to be doing before then.
Well, I will leave you with that pretty vague update. Now that I am a stay at home Dad, I shall endeavour to update more and try and include a few more visuals, as reams and reams of writing is never appealing is it.
Take it easy.
P.S. I went bowling with my good friends Leigh 'Destroyer' Diprose and Andrew 'Apples' Appleby. Apples is the king of ten pin bowling, but I did storm to victory in our 'warm-up' game. I think the 186 was possibly my highest score ever, and that after just knocking 2 pins down in the first frame. Unfortunately, I couldn't keep the pace up and finished 3rd in the next game with Destroyer taking home the plaudits. A reflective milkshake from Fast Eddy's was consumed as is our normal practice after such events.
Monday 12 April 2010
Moving here, there and everywhere
It’s possibly about time and worth an update. The weekend involved moving heaps of furniture and boxes from my house and my in-laws house to our newly acquired storage unit.
Picked up the van on Saturday morning from Halesowen Self Drive, nice chaps, reasonable prices. We had a Luton van with tail lift, rather than a larger van, but looking back I’m pretty sure all the furniture would have fitted in a regular van, although it might have had to be packed better.
The kiddies were dispatched with Aunty Jo, Uncle Rob and Grace to Sandwell Park Farm in West Bromwich, which left the missus, my Father In-Law and my Old Man (despite me telling him he didn’t have to because of his dodgy knees).
We finished unloading the first load at about 1.30pm, a pretty good job well done and still plenty of space in the storage unit thank goodness. We later returned to my house, packed up our bed and the kids bed and took them to the In-Laws so we would now have a new base of operations. This will help in the coming weeks, so we can go back to our house each night and pack what’s left.
And what’s left appears to be a lot, no matter how much we shifted at the weekend, I still look at our house and cry. How we have accumulated so much stuff I will never know, I just hope we can get through it all and ditch the rubbish.
On Sunday, we had a much more relaxing day, although suffering with a cold, I returned the van to Halesowen and took my bike out and met Rob and Daz for our usual Sunday morning ride. We took it pretty easy and went towards Hagley and Stourbridge before returning to Halesowen for a well earned Sausage and Egg McMuffin.
After that it was back home and played with the kids outside for a bit before going back to our house to get some clothes for the working week. The missus then decided to tell me that she had home visits on Monday so would need the car. Which was fine, just meant that I had to get on the bike again today, which was a bit of a struggle…I blame the cold.
And here we are. Another fun day ahead…only a few more of those to go. Finishing on Friday
Picked up the van on Saturday morning from Halesowen Self Drive, nice chaps, reasonable prices. We had a Luton van with tail lift, rather than a larger van, but looking back I’m pretty sure all the furniture would have fitted in a regular van, although it might have had to be packed better.
The kiddies were dispatched with Aunty Jo, Uncle Rob and Grace to Sandwell Park Farm in West Bromwich, which left the missus, my Father In-Law and my Old Man (despite me telling him he didn’t have to because of his dodgy knees).
We finished unloading the first load at about 1.30pm, a pretty good job well done and still plenty of space in the storage unit thank goodness. We later returned to my house, packed up our bed and the kids bed and took them to the In-Laws so we would now have a new base of operations. This will help in the coming weeks, so we can go back to our house each night and pack what’s left.
And what’s left appears to be a lot, no matter how much we shifted at the weekend, I still look at our house and cry. How we have accumulated so much stuff I will never know, I just hope we can get through it all and ditch the rubbish.
On Sunday, we had a much more relaxing day, although suffering with a cold, I returned the van to Halesowen and took my bike out and met Rob and Daz for our usual Sunday morning ride. We took it pretty easy and went towards Hagley and Stourbridge before returning to Halesowen for a well earned Sausage and Egg McMuffin.
After that it was back home and played with the kids outside for a bit before going back to our house to get some clothes for the working week. The missus then decided to tell me that she had home visits on Monday so would need the car. Which was fine, just meant that I had to get on the bike again today, which was a bit of a struggle…I blame the cold.
And here we are. Another fun day ahead…only a few more of those to go. Finishing on Friday
Monday 15 March 2010
Training Ride - What would mother have thought...
Yes, my gift to my darling wife and mother of my two children was some quality time with them while I scarpered out on my bike! Fear not, it had all been pre-orchestrated and booked, although perhaps I was back a little later than anticipated. But I'm not going to suddenly magic in to condition for this 100km ride.
Started out at 7am with my usual quandary of how many layers and what type of clothes to wear.
Initially I walked out of the house with thermal gloves, but then for some reason ditched them, left them in the house as opposed to carrying them with me and left with my full fingered goves. And I also wore my extra special cycling socks which as you can imagine let the air flow around your feet easier, and also of course, in cold weather makes your feet freezing.It wasn't long, roughly 5 minutes before I knew I'd made the wrong decision. But I'm a man and I stick by my wrong decisions!
Met up with Rob, Ian and Daz and quickly agreed our route. Ended up being quite a nice day, headed towards Bromsgrove and tried to lay low from all the pro cyclists out there, but it is great to see so many out on days like yesterday.
I am quickly coming to terms with the fact that no matter which way we ride, we will face hills. I'd rather tackle them early, but there's no chance. Looks like I live on a rige 200m above sea level and everywhere else is just under 50m. Ended up doing 35 miles, which was probably 7 or 8 more than we're used to, but as time wasn't a great factor it was worth it. Saying that, some of the boys were looking panicky at 10.20am when were only at McDonald's in Longbridge.
I really need to sort out our sunday breakfast, all the coffee shops are usually closed though, so it leaves us without much of an option. I doubt MaccyD's breakfasts are particularly healthy, but they do give you a little kick. We now have less than 2 weeks to go until event day. Tomorrow I will be posting about the fundraising aspect of the ride, as I have a few thoughts on the matter.
Monday 8 March 2010
It's Official
I have resigned as Events Fundraiser for Focus Birmingham, my last day will be the 16th April. I've been ridiculously nervous about handing my notice in, but it's done now. I don't think too many people will be surprised. I'll be moving back to Perth, Western Australia (the place I learnt to call home) and I am so excited. Having moved there in 2004, it took a few years to settle before being yanked back home. I'm glad I've been here for the last 3 years to spend time with mum, but now is the time to move back and do what's right for my family.
I'm encouraging my dad and my sister to come and spend some time with us and I really hope they will as they are the only thing stopping us. I can't believe it though, we're on our way. Excitement city! Which is ironic as Perth as been known as Dullesville.
Oh, but I can't wait, feels like I've been released from my shackles of the last few years and now can finall yget our life back on track!
Friday 26 February 2010
Time for a change
Tonight was the Guitar Hero fundraiser. And let's face it, it sucked.
And I have to ask the question why. And the answer boils down to me. Firstly I've lost any motivation I had, secondly, I just don't have the energy to engage with people and thirdly, I'm just not cut out for this job.
Right now, I can't wait to hand my notice in. I have one more event planned in March which is equally crazy and therefore I really can't see me drumming up enough support to make it worth it, so I'm really wondering what the point of doing it is.
I'm planning on resigning on the 9th March as my line manager will be back from her trip then and we're scheduled for a one to one. Will be awkward, but it has to be done. I do enjoy organising and managing events, but I just have a real problem getting people to them.
Andy sucks.
And I have to ask the question why. And the answer boils down to me. Firstly I've lost any motivation I had, secondly, I just don't have the energy to engage with people and thirdly, I'm just not cut out for this job.
Right now, I can't wait to hand my notice in. I have one more event planned in March which is equally crazy and therefore I really can't see me drumming up enough support to make it worth it, so I'm really wondering what the point of doing it is.
I'm planning on resigning on the 9th March as my line manager will be back from her trip then and we're scheduled for a one to one. Will be awkward, but it has to be done. I do enjoy organising and managing events, but I just have a real problem getting people to them.
Andy sucks.
Thursday 25 February 2010
Looking Back
Now that this blog is private it gives me a chance to be open and show my feelings I guess. That's a problem I have with Twitter, I have met many different kinds of people, some that I can pour my heart out to, others that are professional contacts and probably shouldn't be reading what's happening in my personal life.
Anyway, today I told my Dad that Mrs K (my missus) had been offered a job starting 31st May and that we'd be looking at moving in early May. It's best to drip feed my family this info, they've never been good handling change. They usually come to a decision after months and months of deliberation...I'm a bit of a black sheep, and impulsive.
Dad took it as well as he good. Yet, this big slab of enormous guilt came slamming down on me. Here's a man that's just lost his wife, the bedrock of his world and his son is now abandoning him with his two grandchildren. Of course, I am pushing like crazy to get my Dad to come out with us and he's quite positive about it. But like I said, he'll take months and months to come to a decision. I know there are complications, but complications are obstacles, you figure a way to get over them.
So tonight I had a quick look back. Memories of mum and of friends in Australia came to mind and the last visit mum and dad made to meet Noah in 2006.
I never had an amazing relationship with my parents. As I grew up, I realised that I was very different to them. I thought differently and I acted differently. I can't imagine what they must have thought when I first told them I was emigrating, I guess if my kids ever make a similar decision I'll find out what it's like.
But in 2006, I had the best holiday ever. Mum and Dad had already visited Perth the year before and done a lot of the touristy stuff. So this time we decided to book a few days down south in Margaret River. It's a gorgeous place about 3hrs drive south of Perth. It's famous for it's wineries and it's incredibly picturesque.
We stayed in this lovely little cottage overlooking the ocean. The weather was windy and cold. But I felt so at peace. Noah was just a couple of months old and I didn't have a care in the world. Dad was in his element stoking the fire. It was just perfect. My memory has never been a strong point, but I have the photos and I hope I never forget that holiday.
Anyway, today I told my Dad that Mrs K (my missus) had been offered a job starting 31st May and that we'd be looking at moving in early May. It's best to drip feed my family this info, they've never been good handling change. They usually come to a decision after months and months of deliberation...I'm a bit of a black sheep, and impulsive.
Dad took it as well as he good. Yet, this big slab of enormous guilt came slamming down on me. Here's a man that's just lost his wife, the bedrock of his world and his son is now abandoning him with his two grandchildren. Of course, I am pushing like crazy to get my Dad to come out with us and he's quite positive about it. But like I said, he'll take months and months to come to a decision. I know there are complications, but complications are obstacles, you figure a way to get over them.
So tonight I had a quick look back. Memories of mum and of friends in Australia came to mind and the last visit mum and dad made to meet Noah in 2006.
I never had an amazing relationship with my parents. As I grew up, I realised that I was very different to them. I thought differently and I acted differently. I can't imagine what they must have thought when I first told them I was emigrating, I guess if my kids ever make a similar decision I'll find out what it's like.
But in 2006, I had the best holiday ever. Mum and Dad had already visited Perth the year before and done a lot of the touristy stuff. So this time we decided to book a few days down south in Margaret River. It's a gorgeous place about 3hrs drive south of Perth. It's famous for it's wineries and it's incredibly picturesque.
We stayed in this lovely little cottage overlooking the ocean. The weather was windy and cold. But I felt so at peace. Noah was just a couple of months old and I didn't have a care in the world. Dad was in his element stoking the fire. It was just perfect. My memory has never been a strong point, but I have the photos and I hope I never forget that holiday.
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